Love, Text & Magic

Texting is the most pervasive form of communication in our society and this is especially the case for today’s young people in our own love lives. In the circumstance of romantic relationships, approximately 42% of young adults have admitted to communicate sexual intent via text – because nothing says “I love you” or “let’s get it on” more than the eggplant emoji.

Suffice to say, texting is here to stay and the way we text with our intendeds can ultimately impact the perceived quality of our relationships, so say the experts. In fact, many individuals, aged 17-25 years, report feeling more comfortable and free to broach personal and/or potentially awkward subjects via text.

In the case of this text-focused study, the authors sought to add more nuance to the body of research on romance and text and how texting can be a strong indicator of shared values between romantic partners. In short, they hypothesized that similarity in the frequency of texts sent, along with their contents, ultimately matter in the success of relationships/romantic love.

In their pursuit of answers, researchers recruited individuals of 18-29 years, all of whom were US citizens involved in romantic relationships. Through submitting online surveys to determine eligibility, the resulting research sample was comprised of 205 participants, this included 151 women and 49 male participants of diverse gender/sexual orientations, racial/ethnic identifiers, and relationship status (i.e. married, exclusive, and non-exclusive). Participants were required to report vital sociodemographic and relationship characteristics to researchers, such as age, gender, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, relationship status, and relationship length for research purposes.

Participants were asked to fill out three questionnaires, one to assess avoidance and attachment anxiety in their romantic relationships on a scale from 1-5, to gain better insight into their views on their relationships (the 9-item Relationship Structures Questionnaire of the Experiences in Close Relationships—Revised Scale) Questions included “I'm afraid that this person may abandon me” to determine anxiety; “I talk things over with this person” and “I find it easy to depend on this person” to determine avoidance. Scores indicated that there were higher levels of avoidance and attachment anxiety within couples. Couples were also asked to rate their texting habits with one another, specifically how frequently they would text their significant other and the content and purposes of their messages (i.e. a casual “hey”, a warm loving message, and/or expressing fury/displeasure). Through a third scale (7-item Relationship Assessment Scale), participants were asked to assess their relationship satisfaction, the mean score indicating that couples were indeed satisfied in their relationships.

So what does this mean in the context of love? How exactly does this all correlate? To answer that question, most couples do find sharing similar texting habits equate to overall compatibility and can very well impact relational satisfaction, along with feelings of emotional security within relationships. As predicted by the avoidance/anxiety scale questionnaire and the length of relationships, perceived similarity in texting habits often instilled more of a sense of control and stability over their relationships. Furthermore, expressing affection via text and in-person communication can reap positive results on the quality of a relationship and has vast implications on how present day youngsters communicate.

Texting is how a majority of couples communicate. For example, 85% of teens expect daily communication from their romantic partners and 35% expect texts every few hours. According to the authors, texting behaviours are also a factor to predicting romantic success, and is not only dependent on frequency; the contents of text messages also matter. For instance, many couples learn and implement most of their mindfulness communication, such as negotiation skills, through the text medium and have even been known to alter their texting style so as to seem more compassionate.

Of course, the authors acknowledge that there are limitations, such as the fact that the sample is mostly female and that they did not get the perspectives of both members in the relationships studied, so relational bias may be a factor. Nonetheless, these results show how our relationship with texting has led to a drastic change in the way individuals are socialized, particularly in spousal communication.

In short, texting has drastically changed how we communicate and romance is no exception to this paradigm shift. Similarities in texting habits and frequency can be a clear indication of compatibility according to the researchers.

Whether we like it or not, the world of dating is ever-changing. Who knows what tomorrow will bring future generations’ oh-so-complicated love lives? If we millennials didn’t already have enough to worry about! So, yes, that text you’re about to send to your girlfriend does matter, fellas!

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Source:

• Ohadi, J., Brown, B., Trub, L., & Rosenthal, L. (2018). I just text to say I love you: Partner similarity in texting and relationship satisfaction. Computers in Human Behavior, 78(Complete), 126-132.