The Love of My Life: Me

With February reminding many of love and romantic relationships, it is even more important to remember to nurture the most important love of all: self-love. Without it, it can be easy to lose ourselves and prioritize the needs of others over our own with tendencies to neglect watering our seeds for our own growth and healing. Alternatively, it can also be easy to project our negative feelings onto others rather than being in tune with ourselves, our emotions, and overall in control of ourselves. It’s incredibly important to build a home within ourselves so that we are never really lonely or feeling powerless with no control and we know who we are and what we deserve. It can be difficult to love ourselves completely and learn to be a whole person on our own without the dependence of others, which is why we can take small progessive steps forward to reach that long-term goal instead of expecting a miracle or epiphany to happen overnight.

To be clear, self-love is more than practicing the superficial self-care promoted on social media such as only taking baths, lighting candles, drinking tea, and contributing to the appropriation in the wellness industry with white-washed versions of cultural practices and ceremonies (e.g. not knowing and/or respecting the origins of yoga, meditation, smudging, etc. when practicing them, including not caring where the medicines are coming from). Although these things done appropriately (not white-washed wellness) can absolutely be practiced as a part of our self-care routines, they are not the sole definition of taking time for ourselves and caring about all aspects of our health. Self-love means we also take the time to figure out who we are, honestly and completely. It means taking steps forward to heal and grow in order to better ourselves. It means continuing to love and forgive ourselves for the things we regret and the mistakes we will make in the future. Self-love requires prioritizing ourselves in a healthy way such as establishing and maintaining boundaries that benefit our health and wellness in all areas, learning to trust ourselves and our intuition, and being able to practice deferred gratification like putting our needs before our immediate wants for better things to come. Without self-love, we will always be chasing a void we cannot fill which tends to lead to interpersonal problems such as people-pleasing, hyper-independence, and/or a pattern of hatred and aggression toward others. We must work toward loving ourselves first before we can begin to understand and experience what a truly healthy relationship is - romantic or otherwise.

Some ways to begin working on loving ourselves include:

• Talking to and reassuring ourselves that we are loved and worthy, such as listing at least one thing we love about ourselves in a daily journal if we have one or standing in front of a mirror and listing something we are proud of ourselves for every day

• Forgiving ourselves for past mistakes and taking the time to learn and grow from them, such as apologizing if applicable and putting in the work to unlearn the toxic and regretted behaviour(s)

• Beginning to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, such as saying no and remaining stubborn in our decision despite the pressure around us which is difficult and worth it

• Resting when we need it and respecting our bodies for the sacred entities that they are by taking care of our physical health

• Getting into nature to reconnect with the other beings on Mother Earth and clearing our minds

• Riding out the wave of our emotions and letting them calm, learning to acknowledge them and express them in healthier ways such as art, other hobbies, or respectful communication

• Finding people who will support us on our journeys to self love and healing, and embracing those who already do support us

• Accepting ourselves for who we are and where we are in life by letting ourselves be inspired by others rather than comparing ourselves to them

Note: This is by no means an exhaustive list but they are some general ideas to start thinking about.

There are other resources online to help guide us on our diverse journeys to self-love. It is also important to keep in mind that we all require different things, we all have different needs, and we all have different areas in need of growth and healing. We also all have beauty, value, and we all absolutely deserve the love and healing that we’re looking for!

Resources:

• Borenstein, J. (2020, July 9). Self-love and what it means. Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means

• Sandoiu, A. (2018). The importance of self-love and how to cultivate it. Medical News Today. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321309#Mindfully-trained-self-compassion

• Khoshaba, D. (2012). A Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love