Romanticizing Life: A Key to Happiness or a Dangerous Illusion?

Picture this: It’s 8 PM on a Tuesday night. You just finished an exam and have two more this week. You still need to make dinner when you get home, and you're trudging your way through the slushy snow. It’s -10°C, the sun is long gone, and you're cold, exhausted, and in desperate need of more coffee. Worst of all, this cycle is going to keep repeating.

If this sounds like your life right now, I sympathize. Unfortunately, this is how the semester is going for most of us. So how do you break out of this endless loop of stress and exhaustion?

This is where the idea of romanticizing your life comes in. It’s appreciating the way the snow glows under streetlights instead of just seeing it as another obstacle on your way home. It’s lighting a scented candle, wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket, and playing soft music while you study. Suddenly, writing flashcards isn’t just an exhausting chore. It’s a quiet, deliberate step in your journey, like a scene in a movie where the protagonist is working toward something bigger.

Romanticizing your life is about slowing down, finding beauty in the ordinary, and allowing yourself to just be. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the key to getting through the semester. But does this actually help your mental health? Or does it create unrealistic expectations about what life is supposed to feel like? Is it truly the key to happiness, or just another illusion?

The Evolution of “Romanticizing Your Life”

Most of us first heard the phrase “romanticizing your life” during the COVID-19 pandemic. As lockdowns forced people indoors, everyday life felt monotonous. Time seemed to blur, and routines became repetitive. To cope, people turned to social media, where a new trend emerged: romanticizing the small, ordinary moments of life. Suddenly, Instagram and TikTok were flooded with aesthetic videos of dalgona coffees, mental health walks, and journaling sessions (Davis, 2025).

But while the trend gained momentum in the 2020s, the concept itself is far from new. The idea of finding beauty in the everyday is deeply rooted in artistic and philosophical traditions. The 19th-century Romanticism movement, for example, was a reaction to industrialization, emphasizing emotion, individual experience, and a deep appreciation for nature (Glazzard, 2025). A similar philosophy can also be seen in cultural traditions like hygge in Denmark, which embraces coziness and simple pleasures, and wabi-sabi in Japan, which finds beauty in imperfection.

The Psychology Behind Romanticizing Life

Lighting a candle and playing soft music may relieve stress, but exams are still exhausting. Romanticizing life can support our mental well-being by reframing negative experiences, a concept grounded in psychological theory. Cognitive reappraisal theory suggests that altering how we interpret situations can change their emotional impact, leading to a more positive outlook (McRae, 2016). This approach is central to cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), where individuals learn to manage challenging experiences by shifting their perspective. By reframing negative moments, we can intentionally enhance everyday experiences, improving emotional well-being and fostering a more optimistic view of life (Ackerman, 2018).

Last semester, I took PSYC34: The Psychology of Happiness and Meaning with Professor Ravi Thiruchselvam. He shared a study by Brickman et al. (1978), which examined the long-term happiness of lottery winners. Initially, winners reported high levels of happiness, but 18 months later, they found less pleasure in the small, joys of life—things like talking to a friend, watching TV, or eating breakfast. This suggests that happiness isn’t about waiting for one big event to change your life; it’s about appreciating the mundane.

Dr. Thiruchselvam also discussed this approach through the concept of “savoring”, a technique that enhances positive emotions by actively engaging with and prolonging the enjoyment of a pleasant experience (Quoidbach et al., 2015). Savoring includes:

• Seeking out positive experiences

• Deepening their impact through mindfulness

• Changing one’s perspective to focus on joy

• Extending the emotional impact of positive events (Quoidbach et al. 2015)

  
  

The Dark Side of Romanticization

While romanticizing life can be uplifting, history reveals its more troubling side. One of the most striking examples is the 19th-century infatuation with tuberculosis. Despite its devastating effects, such as fatigue, coughing up blood, and eventual death, tuberculosis was wrapped in an air of “tragic beauty”. The “faded-flower” aesthetic became desirable, inspiring young women to appear pale, thin, and melancholic (Dunn, 2017). 

A similar phenomenon is emerging today. Depression and anxiety are frequently aestheticized in literature, films, and social media. Poetic captions about loneliness and heartbreak, moody images of dim-lit rooms, and the portrayal of suffering as a mark of intellectual depth echo the Victorian-era idealization of tuberculosis. While increasing awareness of mental health is important, there is a fine line between validation and idealization. When struggle becomes idealized, it risks being normalized, or even glorified, rather than properly addressed.

Pop culture has a history of glamorizing toxic relationships, portraying possessiveness and control as signs of deep love rather than red flags, often romanticizing emotionally abusive behavior to make it seem thrilling or passionate rather than harmful (Beres, 1999). Romanticization may seem like a harmless coping mechanism, but when applied in the wrong context, it can reinforce unhealthy ideals.

Unrealistic Expectations: A Recipe for Disaster

The curated version of romanticization online can create unrealistic expectations. If every meal or evening walk must look picture-perfect, anything less can feel like a failure. This pressure to constantly “make life beautiful” can lead to dissatisfaction when reality doesn’t match the version seen on Instagram or TikTok.

Romanticizing life has also been commercialized. Social media has turned it into an aesthetic often tied to expensive and unnecessary lifestyle choices, such as luxury wellness products, designer water bottles, and $40 journals. Even minimalism and slow living, which once rejected consumerism, are now associated with a specific beige palette and price tag. Every action becomes part of an aesthetic, spawning endless online subcultures that end in “-core.” Ironically, even the rejection of consumption became its own aesthetic, known as underconsumption-core. 

Similarly, main character syndrome, where individuals see themselves as protagonists in a cinematic version of their lives, can encourage self-empowerment but also foster detachment from reality. While it’s great to embrace personal agency, treating real-life interactions as mere plot points can lead to narcissistic tendencies and disillusionment.

It's All About Balance

Romanticizing your life can be a powerful tool for gratitude and mindfulness when done authentically. It encourages people to appreciate the present moment rather than constantly chasing the next big thing. However, it becomes problematic when it distorts reality, romanticizes suffering, or fuels consumerism. The key is balance—finding beauty in the ordinary without needing it to be perfect, and valuing real experiences over curated aesthetics.

References

Ackerman, C.E. (2024, October 17). What is positive psychology & why is it important?. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-positive-psychology-definition/

Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36(8), 917–927. https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.36.8.917

Béres, L. (1999). Beauty and the beast: The romanticization of abuse in popular culture. European Journal of Cultural Studies, 2(2), 191–207. https://doi.org/10.1177/136754949900200203

Davis, L. (2024, June 20). What does it mean to romanticize your life?: A therapist’s story. Liz Davis Therapy. https://www.lizdavistherapy.com/blog/romanticize-your-life

Dunn, E. R. (2017, December 1). Blue is the new black: How popular culture is romanticizing mental illness. Research and Scholarship Repository. https://digital.library.txstate.edu/handle/10877/6985

Glazzard, L. (2025, January 15). How to embrace a romantic life. THE FILE. https://the-file.com/how-to-embrace-a-romantic-life-2/

McRae, K. (2016). Cognitive emotion regulation: A review of theory and scientific findings. Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, 10, 119–124. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cobeha.2016.06.004

Quoidbach, J., Berry, E. V., Hansenne, M., & Mikolajczak, M. (2010). Positive emotion regulation and well-being: Comparing the impact of eight savoring and dampening strategies. Personality and Individual Differences, 49(5), 368–373. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2010.03.048